Puns: playing with English

[buswizard 93]

Hello to all of you, here you can post your favorite puns or you can post ones you made up yourself. Here are some that already exist:

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A bicycle can't stand because it's two-tired.

[MTR Admiralty 4]

My favourite puns would be the many "Bushisms" that have been said by our former President George W Bush.

[Smoot178 0]

My favourite puns would be the many "Bushisms" that have been said by our former President George W Bush.

 

Care to... elaborate? B)

[MTR Admiralty 4]

Care to... elaborate? B)

 

And yes I do care:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bushism

 

Notable statements

General

* "I just like raping children." -Phoenix, AZ., Dec. 27, 2009

 

* "They misunderestimated me." —Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

 

* "There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." —Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

 

* "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." —LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000

 

* "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." —Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000

 

* "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004

 

* "This thaw—took a while to thaw, it's going to take a while to unthaw."—Alexandria, La., Oct. 20, 2008

 

* "Before I arrived in President, During I arrived in President" December 1, 2008

 

* "I want to thank my friend, Senator Bill Frist, for joining us today. He married a Texas girl, I want you to know. Karyn is with us. A West Texas girl, just like me." --Nashville, Tennessee, May 27, 2004

 

* "I'm telling you there's an enemy that would like to attack America, Americans, again. There just is. That's the reality of the world. And I wish him all the very best." --White House, Washington, D.C., Jan. 12, 2009

 

* "It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it." May 5, 2000

 

* "I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah." January 16th, 2009

 

Foreign affairs

 

* "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

 

* "For a century and a half now, America and Japan have formed one of the great and enduring alliances of modern times." --Tokyo, Feb. 18, 2002

 

* "And they have no disregard for human life."—Describing the brutality of Afghan fighters, Washington, D.C., July 15, 2008

 

* "There's no question that the minute I got elected, the storm clouds on the horizon were getting nearly directly overhead." --Washington D.C., May 11, 2001

 

* "The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself." --Grand Rapids, Michigan, January 29, 2003

 

* "Free societies are hopeful societies. And free societies will be allies against these hateful few who have no conscience, who kill at the whim of a hat." --Washington, D.C., Sept. 17, 2004

 

* "The best way to defeat this enemy in the long run is to deny them the recruiting tools, that are and-and recruiterments made possible by resentment." --November 2007

 

* "We were trying to say something differently, but nevertheless it conveyed a different message". -January 12, 2009 Press Conference (Time Magazine 1/26/09 pg 13).

 

Economics

 

* "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." —Greater Nashua, N.H., Jan. 27, 2000

 

* "I understand small business growth. I was one." New York Daily News, February 19, 2000

 

* "It is clear our nation is reliant upon big foreign oil. More and more of our imports come from overseas." -Beaverton, Ore., Sep. 25, 2000

 

Education

 

* "Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" --Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000

 

* "As yesterday's positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured." --George W. Bush, on the No Child Left Behind Act, Washington, D.C., Sept. 26, 2007

 

* "Reading is the basics for all learning." --Reston, Virginia, 28 March, 2000

 

* "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test." --Townsend, Tennessee, 21 February, 2001

(From Wiki)

[7LineFan 256]

Ever heard of "Make The Pie Higher?"

[buswizard 93]

hilarious, MTR Admiraltiy

[MTR Admiralty 4]

hilarious, MTR Admiraltiy

 

I literally Rolled On the Floor Laughing (ROFL)

[EE Broadway Local 18]

If you take clog and remove the c you have a log but if you remove the l you have a cog.

 

In the U.S.A., we have apartment and check; in the U.K., they have flat and cheque.

 

To be or not to be? That is the question!

[MTR Admiralty 4]

If you want any additional puns, I suggest to you guys a book called "Chinglish", it's a collection of photos of signs in Greater China (including the Mainland, HK, Macao and Taiwan) where when the original Chinese text is translated, it could be really hilariously funny.

 

For example, a sign in Chinese would read: 小心滑倒 would normally translate as: Be careful! Slippery! But in the book, many of these signs read: "Slip and fall down carefully"

[7LineFan 256]

If you want any additional puns, I suggest to you guys a book called "Chinglish", it's a collection of photos of signs in Greater China (including the Mainland, HK, Macao and Taiwan) where when the original Chinese text is translated, it could be really hilariously funny.

 

For example, a sign in Chinese would read: 小心滑倒 would normally translate as: Be careful! Slippery! But in the book, many of these signs read: "Slip and fall down carefully"

 

http://www.engrish.com/

[R32 3348 11]

How come a wise man and a wise guy are two completely different things?

How come you drive on the parkway but you park on the driveway?