My first subway short story

[engineerboy6561]

Hey guys, I am currently attempting to write a short mystery centering on the New York City subway system. This is what I have so far; feel free to comment or to add to it as you see fit, just post any additions/mods here.

 

It was quarter to midnight in the 67 Av subway station, and all was well above and below. The station agent had gone on sick leave, or perhaps vacation (nobody was quite sure), and so the little booth just past the row of turnstiles was dark and the only sound to be heard was the omnipresent low buzz of the fluorescent lighting punctuated by the odd car passing by overhead. About five minutes later, another noise began to assert itself. A low rumble began to echo through the desolate *structure, building to a roaring crescendo as a train barreled through on the express track.*Flashes*of*stainless steel intermingled with fiery orange lettering filled the station as the roar shook the structure to its core. As quickly as it had come, the roar died away, leaving only a rumble and a ghostly two-tone metallic whistle in its wake. One particular sound stood apart from this beautiful cacophony, much quieter than the natural sounds of the train but chilling to the marrow: a single scream. The once pristine ivory walls and periwinkle benches of R160 car #9720 were now spattered in blood and a pool of it had formed around the chest of the corpse splayed out on the floor. Two cars back, a hooded figure crammed a .45 into his jeans pocket and prepared to exit the train. There were no witnesses save one, and it was born twenty minutes later on the southbound tracks just past Sutphin Blvd.*

The operator was running a few minutes behind schedule that night, and was only barely managing to stay awake even with the aid of copious quantities of coffee. The conductor was in even worse shape so they agreed to skip their nightly routine of checking the cars and just pull the consist back into the yard for the night.*Halfway there the operator reached for the intercom button to check on her conductor, but by mistake she triggered the onboard CBTC system instead. It would seem that this would make little difference, as CBTC was not due to be implemented on the for at least several months. However, the cars themselves were equipped with completed computer systems intelligent enough to operate the consist safely. With no dispatch computer to link to, however, these computers began attempting to establish contact with all other units set to send or receive on that frequency. The records are still unclear on what happened next, but between the hours of*midnight and 2 AM every CBTC-enabled R160 cab car on New York City Transit property went online and began reaching out to its kindred. By dawn the R160s had somehow managed to develop a peer-based collective consciousness capable of outmatching humans at practically any cognitive task that could be set to it as well as access to the knowledge contained on each individual hard drive in each consist. Fortunately, this knowledge included every video file created by the newly installed onboard cameras on all of Jamaica's R160 cars.*

[MTR Admiralty]

Really good imagery

[bveguy]

Wow, the beginning feels as if I were there experiencing this. Keep up the good work!

[St Louis Car 09]

This just happened last night!!!!J/k:p Pretty tight stuff.And to think this stuff really can happen after hours on the subway.:tup:

[MattTrain]

Good story, sounds like the events that happen sometimes on the subways too.

[Kingsbridge Bus]

Wow, this is interesting so far, Im hoping to see this story continued, it really caught my attention:)

[R42 M Train]

great story so far. You put alot of detail in and it made me feel like I was there. Cant wait to see the finished storY! :tup::tup: