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MTR Admiralty

By MTR Admiralty,
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MTR Admiralty

MTR Admiralty

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Keep this clean, just want all of you guys to unwind.

 

Here's a political joke:

One day Dick Cheney, George Bush and Laura Bush were in a private jet going to France.

Then, George Bush said, " If i throw this hundred dollar bill off this jet I'll make one person happy!"

Then Dick Cheney said, " Man if i throw ten, ten dollar bills down, I'll make ten people happy!"

Then Laura Bush said, " If I throw one hundred one dollar bills off this jet I'll make a hundred people happy."

Then the pilot said, " Man, if I throw these 3 losers outta this jet, I'll make six billion people happy."

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MTR Admiralty

MTR Admiralty

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Umm, not funny for me, they are not losers, just few mistakes they did on stuff, same for Barack Obama, I am against the closing of Gitmo and the forced health care bill, but just keep political/religion/racial jokes to a minimum, :(...

 

Sorry, but the topics I mentioned is very contorversial and flame war starters, :P...

Come on man, this is not the place to discuss serious stuff. This is the LOLZone!

 

 

A lady bought a new $100,000 Mercedes and proudly drove it off the showroom floor to take home. Halfway home, she attempted to change radio stations and saw that there appeared to be only one station. She immediately turned around and headed back to the dealer.

 

Once at the dealer, she found her salesman and began to excitedly explain that her radio was not working, and they must replace it since she only had one radio station. The salesman calmed her down and told her that her car radio was voice-activated, and that she would only need to state aloud the type of music that she wanted and the car would find it.

 

She got into the car and started the engine and then said the word "country," and the radio changed to a station playing a George Strait song. She was satisfied and started home. After a while she decided to try out the radio and said "rock 'n' roll;" the radio station changed and a song by the Rolling Stones came from the speakers. Quite pleased, the woman continued driving.

 

A few blocks from her house, another driver ran a light causing her to slam on her brakes to avoid a collision. The woman angrily exclaimed, "As*hole!"

...The radio cut over to George Bush's press conference.

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Fresh Pond

Fresh Pond

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I have a bunch of jokes but most of them are bad in one way or another so here's an edited one I have...

 

There's these 3 guys and they come acrosse a magic broomstick. All they had to do was say what they wanted and jump over the broomstick and it would come true. Guy #1 says "money" and he become rich. Guy #2 says "women" and he's surrounded by beautiful women. Gut #3 trips over the broomstick and says "oh sh*t" and gets a big pile of crap

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St Louis Car 09

St Louis Car 09

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I have a bunch of jokes but most of them are bad in one way or another so here's an edited one I have...

 

There's these 3 guys and they come acrosse a magic broomstick. All they had to do was say what they wanted and jump over the broomstick and it would come true. Guy #1 says "money" and he become rich. Guy #2 says "women" and he's surrounded by beautiful women. Gut #3 trips over the broomstick and says "oh sh*t" and gets a big pile of crap

LOL that one was kinda funny.:(
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Fresh Pond

Fresh Pond

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I have another one...

 

Two blondes are stuck in an elevator. The first blonde starts shouting 'help, help'. Then the second one says 'wait a minute, we gotta shout together!' the first one says 'yeh you are right! TOGETHER! TOGETHER!'

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SubwayGuy

SubwayGuy

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Umm, not funny for me, they are not losers, just few mistakes they did on stuff, same for Barack Obama, I am against the closing of Gitmo and the forced health care bill, but just keep political/religion/racial jokes to a minimum, :P...

 

Sorry, but the topics I mentioned is very contorversial and flame war starters, :P...

 

Shut up and laugh, or leave. No one cares what you think.

 

 

Meanwhile Here's one for everyone else:

 

A lady walks into a bar and sees a guy sitting at the counter. She goes over and asks him what he is drinking.

 

"Magic Beer", he says

 

She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after that there is no one else worth talking to,goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says,"That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?"

 

"Yes, I'll show you." He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window,flies around the building 3 times and comes back in the window.

 

The lady can't believe it: "I bet you can't do that again."

 

He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, and comes back in the window.

 

She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer, so the guy says to the bartender, "Give her one of what I'm having."

 

She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body, and dies.

 

The bartender looks up at the guy and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real jackass when you're drunk!"

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GojiMet86

GojiMet86

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Here are a few I found:

 

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

 

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, and after finishing their dinner they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." "I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" exclaims Watson. "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?" "Watson, you idiot!" He exclaims, "Somebody's stolen our tent!"

 

 

 

“ A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

 

Courtesy of wikipedia.

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LRG

LRG

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Kid no. 1: "You should try asking that girl out."

Kid no. 2: "Dude, she has a bf."

Kid no. 1: "So? Soccer has a goalie bu that doesn't mean you can't score...."

 

(lol if it's bad please don't kill me it's a facebook group fan page :P)

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SubwayGuy

SubwayGuy

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That's what the mentally-unstable dawg said from next door, no one likes to give you beeswax or no more honey from the bees, :P...

 

...As Douchy McDouche Bag continues to run his mouth despite the fact that no one wants him to...

 

Another joke for the rest of you:

Guy walks into a bar. Sees 3 $100 bills laying across the bar, but no one is taking them. Orders a drink.

 

"Hey bartender, what are those 3 $100 bills for sitting on the bar, and why's no one else taking them?"

 

"It's a challenge. Each one is the reward for completing a challenge here at the bar."

 

"Alright let me get another round. Say, what's the challenge?"

 

"Well, it's tough. The first $100 bill: There's a guy outside, HUGE. Friggin' giant. He's 6'6" and 275 pounds, and he's a bull. If you can beat him in a fight, that there $100 bill is your reward."

 

"Alright I'll think about it...another round. Say, what about the second one?"

 

"There's a pit bull outside. Real, mean tough animal. But it's got a loose tooth. Thing is, damn mutt's so mean you can't get near it. But get that loose tooth out, and that second $100 bill is your reward."

 

"One more there, Jack. How about you tell me what that third one's for while we're at it?"

 

"OK, son. There's a girl upstairs. Pretty young girl, real cute too. Trouble is, no man's ever slept with her been able to give her an orgasm. Not for lack of trying though, she's slept with lots of men, many have tried, they just can't do it. She's never had one. But be that guy, and give her one, and that third $100 bill is your reward."

 

"Alright, that's it mate. I'm gonna do it. Just give me one more before I go."

 

"Here you go, I'll close out your tab, just pay up before you hit the road"

 

"Done. I got this."

 

Guy goes outside, beats the hell out of the 6'6" guy, and comes back inside the bar to the bartender's suprise, and takes the first $100 bill. Then he goes back outside to deal with the pitbull, and everyone in the bar pauses as they hear the most horrible howling, barking, clawing, and yelling for about 5 minutes.

 

The man comes back inside the bar, bleeding all over the place, but alive, his clothing in tatters. Then he turns the bartender with a big grin on his face, and goes:

 

"Now where's the girl with the loose tooth?"

 

:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

 

HAHA

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SubwayGuy

SubwayGuy

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That is what that cat who love the owl said, meowt, meowt, meowt is what their off-springs sez... And they can haz ratburgurz, :P...

 

You are arguably the least funny person I've ever seen or heard of in my life. In fact I think the only reason the moderators haven't banned you from this "Jokes" thread is that YOU are the biggest joke of all.

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Queens Surface

Queens Surface

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Well, this is the jokes thread, get over that old crappy stuff and it is a whole new day today, so keep the thread clean, nice n tidy as a brand new Nova LFSA from the Plattsburgh Plant or a new R-160 directly from Yonkers, mmm smell of new vehicles and trains stimulates me, a R-160 and Nova LFSA, even better, oooh squirrel, :P XD!

 

doublefacepalmw.jpg

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SubwayGuy

SubwayGuy

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LMFAO! BEST ONE SO FAR!!!

 

Wow. He needs to get laid BAD. I am dying over here at that comment... I bet his right hand runs away from him too!

 

I don't even need to say anything to this idiot after that one, he just "owned" himself as you kids say...

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